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Non Christian women at the Gym - 3/5/2010 8:15:33 AM
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Ironworker
Posts: 65
Joined: 7/5/2007
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I was always taught that there is no such thing as "Missionary Dating" Also were never supposed to try and change others. Well there are these fine beautiful looking women at the gym I work out at. One lady is perhaps mad at me for not talking to her. Why ? Oh she wants to settle down,but I know she has lived with men in the past,has been promiscuous ,drinks has had her body worked on you know"implants".Plus she isn't a "Child of God"These are red flags to me But I'm shy around most non-Christian women. We know God punishes those he loves. I just can't afford Gods wood shed. But I think about this woman a lot I don't know what's in her hart.I've tried to speak to her in the past but she doesn't follow through and ask me stuff. I don't feel encouraged but she waves to me ,walks in front of my machine to get me to see her.Its just I know this beautiful woman isn't saved..... Its seems like the older I get along with the increseing marriage horror stories I here and read about the happier I am in my singles life,but still have huge desire to be married. Oh and this woman has no kids,women at church have sets of kids and grand kids.I keep thinking maybe my shyness has got to go ? Is it better to be singles and not divorced then married to non Christian in unhappy marriage. Dang I guess that's a no brainer I'm answering my own questions as I type. Help !!!!!!!
_____________________________
Sin Sucks !
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RE: Non Christian women at the Gym - 3/5/2010 9:47:01 AM
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EclecticJoy
Posts: 9382
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Here . . . and that's exactly where I want to be!
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Hey Ironworker
(BTW, you may remember me as "whiteroseblessings" . . . and my current avatar is obviously not of me; it's of my fiancé)
You say that you don't know this woman's heart, but that you think about her all the time.
What that tells me is that you have a physical attraction and nothing more. Physical attractions are not at all bad, but they're only one aspect; and to think about someone all the time based solely on a physical attraction isn't really the healthiest of things to be doing.
You also list a few specific things that you know about her. If such things are current in her life (and not in the past), then continuing to allow yourself to think about her all the time is especially quite unhealthy and dangerous for you; dangerous in the spiritual and emotional sense.
Also, if she is not "responding" or "following-through" with anything towards you, then she most likely is not interested in you.
WHY in the world would you want to continue to dwell upon a woman who specifically hasn't shown signs of being interested in you? No one is that beautiful.
As to your question of whether it is better to remain single and not divorced, versus being unhappily married to a non-Christian . . . it is better to remain unmarried than to be married to a non-Christian; regardless as to whether such marriage is "happy" or "unhappy". Our Lord's Word tells us, "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" (2 Corinthians 6:14).
Be blessed,
Sharon-Marie
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RE: Non Christian women at the Gym - 3/5/2010 11:27:39 AM
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deermousie
Posts: 2742
Joined: 9/26/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: EclecticJoy
As to your question of whether it is better to remain single and not divorced, versus being unhappily married to a non-Christian . . . it is better to remain unmarried than to be married to a non-Christian; regardless as to whether such marriage is "happy" or "unhappy". Our Lord's Word tells us, "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" (2 Corinthians 6:14).
Sharon-Marie nailed it. ^^^ Our first thought is to walk in a way pleasing to God, and He commands us to not be unequally yoked. In other words, a Christian is not to marry a nonChristian, because their lives move in different directions (picture two oxen yoked together facing opposite ways) and light has no fellowship with darkness. Read the whole chapter of 2 Cor. 6 to get the context.
A gal DH used to date (yes, I know her - a fine Christian woman) said she'd prefer to be happily married but her second choice was to be happy single and last choice was to be miserable married. A neighbor once said he'd rather die than sin (the context was fornication, but isn't being married unequally yoked just as disobedient?). God calls things sin because they hurt/destroy us.
If this gal is deliberately waving her beauty in front of you to show off but won't even talk to you, she is playing a vicious game. She's teasing you for her fun. That in itself should be a huge red flag that she's a hurtful person. That's under the idea of causing desires in others that can't be righteously fulfilled. I'd find other times to go to the gym, or find a new gym. If you can't afford it, then I'd work out in the garage and lose the money cheerfully. Your walk with God is more important than money.
If you wish to be married, Ironworker, go where the fish are biting: be in places where Christian women hang out. Pray like crazy that God will bring you a wife. And like when people go to prayer meeting to pray for rain, they should bring their umbrellas, so be working on the things in your life to prepare you to become an awesome husband for when God brings you a wife (can you support a family or do you need to get more training/education? Do you understand what the Bible teaches us how marriage works? Are you spiritually mature and keeping your sin confessed? Would your pastor call you spiritually mature and highly recommend you if some woman called him and asked about you? What do you need to become more spiritually mature? And so on).
God bless you, Ironworker, and give you the desires of your heart. I am praying for you today!
_____________________________
People died to give you the Bible in your language.
Read it. Eat it. Dwell in it. Rightly divide it. Live it.
Laugh, dance, praise your God, and go read some more. And God bless you.
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RE: Non Christian women at the Gym - 3/5/2010 11:52:48 AM
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ForgivenGrace
Posts: 4630
Joined: 5/11/2005
From: Wherever God plants me.
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Ironworker
I was always taught that there is no such thing as "Missionary Dating" Also were never supposed to try and change others. Well there are these fine beautiful looking women at the gym I work out at. One lady is perhaps mad at me for not talking to her. Why ? Oh she wants to settle down,but I know she has lived with men in the past,has been promiscuous ,drinks has had her body worked on you know"implants".Plus she isn't a "Child of God"These are red flags to me But I'm shy around most non-Christian women. We know God punishes those he loves. I just can't afford Gods wood shed. But I think about this woman a lot I don't know what's in her hart.I've tried to speak to her in the past but she doesn't follow through and ask me stuff. I don't feel encouraged but she waves to me ,walks in front of my machine to get me to see her.Its just I know this beautiful woman isn't saved..... Its seems like the older I get along with the increseing marriage horror stories I here and read about the happier I am in my singles life,but still have huge desire to be married. Oh and this woman has no kids,women at church have sets of kids and grand kids.I keep thinking maybe my shyness has got to go ? Is it better to be singles and not divorced then married to non Christian in unhappy marriage. Dang I guess that's a no brainer I'm answering my own questions as I type. Help !!!!!!!
The part that I have bolded (sp?) are surface judgements. You don't know these women yet you seem to be condemning them.
When these women become Christians they will be forgiven. Jesus talked all kinds of people prostitutes, tax collectors and lepers. He did not write them off for their sins. Instead Jesus reached out to them. He gave them advise.
As a woman and as a person I would be angry or at least annoyed if someone wrote me off with out knowing me.
_____________________________
You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. ~Dr. Seuss
Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase.-Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
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RE: Non Christian women at the Gym - 3/5/2010 3:32:59 PM
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CMT8808
Posts: 915
Joined: 9/4/2009
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ForgivenGrace
quote:
ORIGINAL: Ironworker
I was always taught that there is no such thing as "Missionary Dating" Also were never supposed to try and change others. Well there are these fine beautiful looking women at the gym I work out at. One lady is perhaps mad at me for not talking to her. Why ? Oh she wants to settle down,but I know she has lived with men in the past,has been promiscuous ,drinks has had her body worked on you know"implants".Plus she isn't a "Child of God"These are red flags to me But I'm shy around most non-Christian women. We know God punishes those he loves. I just can't afford Gods wood shed. But I think about this woman a lot I don't know what's in her hart.I've tried to speak to her in the past but she doesn't follow through and ask me stuff. I don't feel encouraged but she waves to me ,walks in front of my machine to get me to see her.Its just I know this beautiful woman isn't saved..... Its seems like the older I get along with the increseing marriage horror stories I here and read about the happier I am in my singles life,but still have huge desire to be married. Oh and this woman has no kids,women at church have sets of kids and grand kids.I keep thinking maybe my shyness has got to go ? Is it better to be singles and not divorced then married to non Christian in unhappy marriage. Dang I guess that's a no brainer I'm answering my own questions as I type. Help !!!!!!!
The part that I have bolded (sp?) are surface judgements. You don't know these women yet you seem to be condemning them.
When these women become Christians they will be forgiven. Jesus talked all kinds of people prostitutes, tax collectors and lepers. He did not write them off for their sins. Instead Jesus reached out to them. He gave them advise.
As a woman and as a person I would be angry or at least annoyed if someone wrote me off with out knowing me.
Although what Forgiven wrote is true, but this woman is still in a wordly state I see it as a conquer.
You avoid her and she is just trying to gain your attention. She wants to be admired even if she is not interested.
CMT
_____________________________
formerly Delete 123
Never Underestimate the Power of God
Romans 8:28, Proverb 3:5
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RE: Non Christian women at the Gym - 3/5/2010 9:20:05 PM
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Ironworker
Posts: 65
Joined: 7/5/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Kat_D
quote:
One lady is perhaps mad at me for not talking to her. Why ? Oh she wants to settle down,but I know she has lived with men in the past,has been promiscuous ,drinks has had her body worked on you know"implants".
You don't talk to her yet you know she is promiscuous, drinks, and has implants? This post gives me a serious case of the heebie-jeebies. 
More information. I've worked out at this gym for 10 years. Actually I have spoken to her a few brief times. Basic small talk.But she didn't really ever ask questions to keep the conversation going. Plus she is surrounded by men most of the time and I know those men are living immoral lives. Some times you tell a lot about some one by who they hang out with. Others have mentioned how they remember her before and after surgeries ,she has mentioned she has had multiple other stuff done to other people.... Also others have mentioned yes she is( Now was) living with some immoral man. Plus she goes to clubs so .I'm gonna stop thinking of here and go to a church social tonight at my church.... Thanks every body.
_____________________________
Sin Sucks !
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RE: Non Christian women at the Gym - 3/6/2010 9:19:51 PM
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Ironworker
Posts: 65
Joined: 7/5/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: BelleWeather
quote:
ORIGINAL: Ironworker
quote:
ORIGINAL: Kat_D
quote:
One lady is perhaps mad at me for not talking to her. Why ? Oh she wants to settle down,but I know she has lived with men in the past,has been promiscuous ,drinks has had her body worked on you know"implants".
You don't talk to her yet you know she is promiscuous, drinks, and has implants? This post gives me a serious case of the heebie-jeebies.
More information. I've worked out at this gym for 10 years. Actually I have spoken to her a few brief times. Basic small talk.But she didn't really ever ask questions to keep the conversation going.
Plus she is surrounded by men most of the time and I know those men are living immoral lives.
Some times you tell a lot about some one by who they hang out with.
Others have mentioned how they remember her before and after surgeries ,she has mentioned she has had multiple other stuff done to other people....
Also others have mentioned yes she is( Now was) living with some immoral man.
Plus she goes to clubs so .
I'm gonna stop thinking of here and go to a church social tonight at my church.... Thanks every body.
If these are all criteria (bold-ed and reformatted above) of which you disapprove.....What is the basis for your fascination with this woman?
Packaging?
Novelty?
A living example of "What Not To Do?"
Boredom?
Lust?
Loneliness?
Vanity?
Pride?
Fear?
Disgust?
Basis of my fascination is " Wonder if that fine looking thing is the one and I'm blowing it by not pursuing her "? My list of red flags are my reasons for not pursuing her.Purpose in listing them here is to see what ya 'all think. Yes I bet there are women in my church that have made same choices but they're since been washed by the blood of the lamb.
_____________________________
Sin Sucks !
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RE: Non Christian women at the Gym - 3/7/2010 11:21:06 AM
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EclecticJoy
Posts: 9382
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Here . . . and that's exactly where I want to be!
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Ironworker
Basis of my fascination is " Wonder if that fine looking thing is the one and I'm blowing it by not pursuing her "? Uhm, Iron worker?
Thing?
"That fine-looking thing"???
Women are not things; they are human beings.
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RE: Non Christian women at the Gym - 3/7/2010 4:31:28 PM
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jaimestarcross
Posts: 1234
Joined: 11/28/2005
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Ironworker:
Don't feel bad my brother who isn't married is having a hard time finding "the one"
he's in his forties, never been married and doesn't have any children or major debt.
He also would like to marry a lady who's never been married and doesn't have children and any major debt.
He stands a better chance of winning the lottery than finding a woman like that... because where he lives - too many of them have children and several ex's - don't even get me started about the major debt so many of them are carrying lol!
If the lady at the gym isn't a Christian then keep seeking.
A virtuous woman is out there - be patient 'cause it may take awhile to meet her.
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RE: Non Christian women at the Gym - 3/7/2010 11:34:15 PM
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BelleWeather
Posts: 2437
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Ironworker
quote:
ORIGINAL: BelleWeather
quote:
ORIGINAL: Ironworker
More information. I've worked out at this gym for 10 years. Actually I have spoken to her a few brief times. Basic small talk.But she didn't really ever ask questions to keep the conversation going.
Plus she is surrounded by men most of the time and I know those men are living immoral lives.
Some times you tell a lot about some one by who they hang out with.
Others have mentioned how they remember her before and after surgeries ,she has mentioned she has had multiple other stuff done to other people....
Also others have mentioned yes she is( Now was) living with some immoral man.
Plus she goes to clubs so .
I'm gonna stop thinking of here and go to a church social tonight at my church.... Thanks every body.
If these are all criteria (bold-ed and reformatted above) of which you disapprove.....What is the basis for your fascination with this woman?
Packaging?
Novelty?
A living example of "What Not To Do?"
Boredom?
Lust?
Loneliness?
Vanity?
Pride?
Fear?
Disgust?
Basis of my fascination is " Wonder if that fine looking thing is the one and I'm blowing it by not pursuing her "? My list of red flags are my reasons for not pursuing her.Purpose in listing them here is to see what ya 'all think. Yes I bet there are women in my church that have made same choices but they're since been washed by the blood of the lamb.
Your referring to this woman as a "thing" is disturbing: Eclectic has made the case clear how that term would be considered objectionable. You may wish to reassess your methodology of gauging a woman for future personal relationships.
-The woman has made no attempt to reciprocate and is not interested in conversation with you
-Her social life is of wide acquaintance you do not approve or condone
-You have reservations about plastic surgery for cosmetic reasons--Even though the results are attractive to your sensibilities
-Her previous relationships involve behavior you view with disfavor
-She frequents public accommodations you object to
-You are generally contemptuous of this woman and all she represents--Except for her altered physical attributes
What do I think of her?
It's hard to say--Not knowing her, I have only your description and the gossip you have collected.
Generally speaking, I don't believe she is interested in you, and she is not what you want her to be for a future wife. You are wasting your time.
What do I think of you?
Again, hard to say--Not knowing you, I wonder why you created a thread about a woman not interested in you, that you disdain, yet continue to find physically attractive and captivated by.
_____________________________
Jessica Rabbit: You don't know how hard it is being a woman looking the way I do.
Eddie Valiant: You don't know how hard it is being a man looking at a woman looking the way you do.
Jessica Rabbit: I'm not bad. I'm just drawn that way.
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RE: Non Christian women at the Gym - 3/8/2010 1:41:22 PM
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pgc85
Posts: 43
Joined: 3/20/2008
Status: offline
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I think as others have pointed out, it seems as if you interest in her is solely just a physical attraction. I wouldn't take the constant attempts at small talk or to get you to look at her as anything more than just an attempt to get attention. Women who are truly interested in you are going to a lot more than just 'small talk.' She would probably get to know more about you and she would have made a move by now. Sometimes women just want someone to look at them and admire them and try extra hard to do so when they notice you don't notice her like other guys do. If she doesn't fit your criteria then there is no reason to give her another thought. Why would you want to concentrate on someone who you perceive, based off of what you've been told, to not live a similar lifestyle to you and you're not interested in? It's a waste of time to even deal with it if you aren't interested.
However you can't judge a book by its cover and as others have mentioned, there are women in the church who probably have done far worse. You have yet to really get to know her for yourself, maybe you could strike up a conversation or invite her out for a cup of coffee or something. Then you would really know who you would be dealing with and if she is worth pursuing. The decision is up to you and how interested you really are of her beyond her physical appearance.
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RE: Non Christian women at the Gym - 3/8/2010 11:11:21 PM
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Ironworker
Posts: 65
Joined: 7/5/2007
Status: offline
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Ok thanks every body for posting on my thread. I've received much needed wisdom and have been corrected and rebuked. I will not refer to women as things any longer.All very helpful and insightful post.
_____________________________
Sin Sucks !
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RE: Non Christian women at the Gym - 3/9/2010 5:55:55 PM
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42servehymn
Posts: 311
Joined: 4/16/2005
From: Littleton, Colorado
Status: offline
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I find it interesting that you find her unworthy because of her implants yet you don't seem to have a problem with being physically attracted to her. It would seem to me that if she is wrong for having implants you are just as wrong for being attracted to her looks.
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I am my husbands #1 fan!
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RE: Non Christian women at the Gym - 3/10/2010 9:21:08 AM
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Ironworker
Posts: 65
Joined: 7/5/2007
Status: offline
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I don't find her unworthy because of her implants.Its just an issue I wanted feed back on..........God made us men to be visual. Do you have a problem with that ?
_____________________________
Sin Sucks !
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RE: Non Christian women at the Gym - 3/10/2010 2:25:08 PM
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womanofGOD284
Posts: 81
Joined: 2/23/2010
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: EclecticJoy
quote:
ORIGINAL: Ironworker
Basis of my fascination is " Wonder if that fine looking thing is the one and I'm blowing it by not pursuing her "? Uhm, Iron worker?
Thing?
"That fine-looking thing"???
Women are not things; they are human beings.
That's right! Women are NOT things! We're people!
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RE: Non Christian women at the Gym - 3/11/2010 11:52:23 PM
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42servehymn
Posts: 311
Joined: 4/16/2005
From: Littleton, Colorado
Status: offline
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quote:
God made us men to be visual. Do you have a problem with that ?
I do not have a problem with that but sometimes that will cause insecurities in a woman to the degree that she will feel the need to get implants.
_____________________________
I am my husbands #1 fan!
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