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?? for minstry leaders - 3/3/2010 8:53:31 PM
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charity7
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If you as a minister thought someone had done something within the church and it was a female, would you call her before the decons without her husband present?
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RE: ?? for minstry leaders - 3/3/2010 11:16:22 PM
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Trishcreations
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no, Just like I would not bring teh husband before the board without his wife. The 2 are one...they both should be in the healing process together.
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RE: ?? for minstry leaders - 3/3/2010 11:29:36 PM
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Peloton
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Correct as above. In these days of death by accusation this is the only proper way. Having a meeting in a room full of men with a single woman is just asking for problems. Where is the wisdom? Do they perform counseling in the same manner? If I were their insurance underwriter...
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RE: ?? for minstry leaders - 3/4/2010 9:36:46 AM
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rcjames
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If I thought that a female member was doing something wrong, then my wife and I would talk with her first.
Many times reperts come to the Pastor that turn out to be nothing at all.
So I percieve that calling someone before the board is unwarrented, and also calling someone before the board without informing the person about the board upfront just does not seem right.
Now would I (and/or my wife) speak to the woman without her husband?
The first time, yes; and that conversation would dictate the next move, if there is a next move.
Thanks
RC
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RE: ?? for minstry leaders - 3/4/2010 10:18:00 AM
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bolt.
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I would speak to the woman individual-to-individual if I believed her to be in sin. I would do it in a semi-public way though, or maybe I would invite a non-participant chaparone (neither the woman's huband nor "my" wife <if I were a man> but someone impartial). Sin is not a team sport, and each person is responsible for their own choices. It is deeply insulting to imply that wives have no individual funtioning as Christians and Church members.
If a person (of either gender) was 'called before the board' (not something that I really agree with in the first place) he or she would be free to bring whomever and however many people they liked to be observers and/or supporters.
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RE: ?? for minstry leaders - 3/4/2010 12:49:33 PM
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SteelCurtain
Posts: 152
Joined: 3/20/2007
From: Virginia
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quote:
ORIGINAL: rcjames
If I thought that a female member was doing something wrong, then my wife and I would talk with her first.
Many times reperts come to the Pastor that turn out to be nothing at all.
So I percieve that calling someone before the board is unwarrented, and also calling someone before the board without informing the person about the board upfront just does not seem right.
Now would I (and/or my wife) speak to the woman without her husband?
The first time, yes; and that conversation would dictate the next move, if there is a next move.
Thanks
RC
I second that motion.
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Pray simply, wait sometimes, stick to the path.
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RE: ?? for minstry leaders - 3/4/2010 1:43:01 PM
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Elena1030
Posts: 3193
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From: Music City, USA
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quote:
ORIGINAL: bolt.
I would speak to the woman individual-to-individual if I believed her to be in sin. I would do it in a semi-public way though, or maybe I would invite a non-participant chaparone (neither the woman's huband nor "my" wife <if I were a man> but someone impartial). Sin is not a team sport, and each person is responsible for their own choices. It is deeply insulting to imply that wives have no individual funtioning as Christians and Church members.
Exactly.
The Scripture states that the person is to be confronted one-on-one. And if I were married, I'd still expect to be confronted as an individual, not as one half of a couple. {I understand that a male pastor or minister might feel the need to have a chaperone stand nearby to maintain propriety in the situation and to keep both of us accountable.}
It would be another thing if the sin, infraction, mistake, shortcoming, whatever were committed by me and my husband together.
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RE: ?? for minstry leaders - 3/4/2010 1:50:37 PM
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doinkdom
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I tend to agree with RC...however, depending on the "issue" I would want the husband there for clarification of him hearing the details first hand, rather than after the fact. Secondhand is always tainted with personal perceptions, views and emotions.
But I would agree with the OP, to blindside someone with a "committee" is not biblical nor productive.
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RE: ?? for minstry leaders - 3/4/2010 8:19:19 PM
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buckifn
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hi charity
what you have described is a situation where important first steps have been omitted. It is never approp. to just call any member male or female before the board..there are Scripture guidelines for handling matters of concern. As a leader I would not participate in such an arrangement.
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RE: ?? for minstry leaders - 3/5/2010 9:05:44 AM
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SteelCurtain
Posts: 152
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From: Virginia
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quote:
ORIGINAL: charity7
Hubby di call and voice his concern which is what is said above--The preacher sees nothing wrong whit what took place---I am still not understanding what the real issue is---other then someone did something he did not like and they are questioning me and a couple others. I just happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.caught way un awares!
It has been a crazy week! For sure. But my heart hurts over all this. 
The other part of this has to do with your ability to stay and worship under this pastor. If, he and the board, truly came out and blindsided you then they have hurt you, as you have stated, and that takes time to heal. Can you and your husband speak with the pastor, directly, about your hurts and go from there? If so, wonderful! If not, then sitting under a pastor that you no longer respect is going to be pretty hard to do.
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Pray simply, wait sometimes, stick to the path.
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RE: ?? for minstry leaders - 3/9/2010 2:14:05 PM
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Judson50
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quote:
ORIGINAL: charity7
If you as a minister thought someone had done something within the church and it was a female, would you call her before the decons without her husband present?
Nope. As a man, I don't event want to be in a room with another woman by myself. ESPECIALLY Behind closed doors. THAT would worry me.
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Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy Proverbs 27:6
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